What the hell is wrong with you?

Someone keyed my car the other day. It was parked behind the bridge club in town, got off work and BAM! A big key line on my door. What kind of thin streak of piss did would do this? No balls prick. It's not even a nice car, it's a piece of shit corolla with different coloured panels. Did it offend you? Is that why you felt the need to vandalise my property? Screw you.

MIRACLE!

This blew my mind, I don't know what to believe any more! A competent customer! A customer that understands that PC's cannot be fixed in a day, a customer that backs up data, a customer, my friends, that knows how to use a computer! It fills me with hope to see such a miracle! (Hope that is crushed when I get the next customer, a certified retard.)

PC Darwin Awards

#2 - Billy Bob

The on-site technician got a call from a very irate customer, complaining about a computer they had just purchased from us. He said his mouse was faulty and wanted someone to come out and take a look. After an exhaustive half hour of trying to explain that paying $108 for someone to come out is retarded, and that he should just bring the mouse in, the technician relented and drove out to the customer. This is what confronted him. The customer ushers him inside to the computer and proceeds to use the mouse on his face, then wrong way round, then on the keyboard, all the while berating the technician for supping faulty hardware. How this guy ties his own shoes without killing himself and family is beyond me.

Jibber Jabber

When a customer comes through the door and opens it's flap trap, all I hear is non-sensical jabbering. I've found the only way to get them to shut up is to get really technical, as fast as humanly possible. It also helps to be vague ad unhelpful and they'll just leave.All you have to do is say "It seems to be a fault with the PCI slot on your motherboard that may have damaged your modem, motherboard and other componants of the computer." It's complete bullshit, and is only used on annoying customers (all of them).

Archive

I now have an archive, check it out, it has all the old posts from 6th October 2008

Awesome.

The company I work for has just implemented a new policy of wiping user passwords if customers don't give it to us when a machine is booked in. This is awesome. About 60% of customers either give us the wrong password or no password at all. This meant that I would spend a couple of days AT LEAST tracking down the customer to get the password. Now, FINALLY, I can just reset that motherfucker and do my job.

Short term memory loss.

Apparantly, every second person around here has no short term memory. For example, I told a customer that I could diagnose the problem with his modem but if it's a hardware fault, I can't fix it. The guy says yeah all good, go ahead so I look at it and, surprise, the modems buggered. So I call him and explain and when the customer comes, he fucking complains that I didn't tell him that we can't fix hardware faults. Wow. I don't know why I'm surprised, everyone around here has their heads jammed so far up their ass's its a miracle they don't spew shit all over the place when they talk.

Oh wait, they do!

Fuck my life.

Why do they always come to me?

One thing that drives me into a towering rage is doing over the phone support. When someone rings me and asks how to rotate their monitor 90 degrees, I want to scream! A process that would take a normal person two seconds of reading takes 20 minutes of trying to tell someone how to get to their desktop. RAGE! I just don't understand, why can't they just do it themselves? Are they lazy? Do they hate me? WHY DO YOU HATE ME! I was pondering this last night when it hit me. Every person who has ever rung me at work is just the slave mind for some kind of terrifying overmind! A retarded, lazy, stupid overmind that hates technology but uses it every day and can't be bothered to learn the simplest functionings of its machine so it rings me!

I realised seconds after this revelation that people are just stupid, lazy and ignorant when it comes to technology, even though they use it EVERY FUCKING DAY! Learn how to use a computer you ignorant bastards. But Mr. Technician, I hear them cry, my emails don't work! I can't get online because I've installed three antivirus programs and I'm an idiot! I formatted my Computer when all I was trying to do is overclock my Hard drive! It honestly, truely, hurts to look at you, because I'm afraid that by looking at you, I'll catch the stupid and forget to breathe. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I hate you, and I am better than you.

A cactuars life

Another blog I write for along with some friends, check it out, it's good for a laugh A Cactuars Life

PC Darwin Awards

This is an exciting day. This is the day that the first (un)official entry into the PC Darwin Awards library is entered.

#1 - Cletus and Zeke*

One day two youngish boys cane into the store and asked to buy 2 1Gb sticks of RAM. The Technician informed them of the price and the boys found that they could only afford the one stick. They ummed and ahhed and decided to buy one now and get another later. So they bought the RAM and as they were leaving, Cletus says to Zeke "We don't need to buy another stick, pass it here" and to the Technicians dismay, the boy snaps the RAM in two and proudly proclaims "Now we each have half!"

Congratulations boys, you are the very first entry into the PC Darwin Awards!

*The names have been changed

Old website

The old website now redirects here, if you want to check it out (and I suggest you do) it's
My Sweet Job.

Holy crap my Job is frustrating as all Hell

I work as a Junior tech at a computer company repairing PC's. And yes, it is as shit-house as it sounds. The thing I hate most of all (apart from my boss) is customers. I hate you. You are all so stupid it hurts me to look at you. When I see you with a child, I am frightened for it's safety because you are so retarded, you will kill it. And every day, a piece of me dies as you stumble through explaining the simplist of faults. Ughh. You disgust me. Just leave the tower and go, most of the time you get it wrong anyway, spouting bullshit about defrags and used space. You don't know anything. I am better than you.

Lightbulb ACTIVATE!

Some people are just so stupid I just have a need to tell the world ( or in my case, the people who read this, also known as "No-one") and spread the joy. working where I do and in the industry it relates to, I see some of the stupidist motherfuckers of all time. Like the guy who backed up his email (shortcut) to cd and formatted his drive. There should be a Computer Darwin awards...hmm...I have a plan!

Politics are boring. Deal with it.

I seriously doubt that anyone is ever going to read this, but I'm bored out of my mind, it's 1.38am in Snells Beach and there's nothing to do. Holy crap I hate this place. For anyone reading this ( unlikely, I know ), Snells Beach is a bogan town, population: fuck you, in New Zealand, a country with little to no clout with any other country.

Its time to vote over here and I'm already tempted to blend off my face. Everywhere I go people are jabbering about politics, the second most boring thing on the planet, following close behind people discussing politics OF ANOTHER COUNTRY! Who do you think's going to win? Obama? McCain? I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck. Is what I think going to alter the votes of Americans? Shit no. To me, it seems as if everyone knows who they are voting for already! There's the Democrats and the Republicans. That's it. I assume that people who don't know which side they belong ( the boring side or the uninteresting side ) are ripped apart by wild horses, or even worse, forced to sit through hours of pointless pre-election blather from shit-spewing politicians.