My 21st

Anyone who has been to a 21st in New Zealand will know that trying to remember what happened is impossible. The vast amounts of alcohol consumed make the night a haze a shouting, drinking and falling over, not to mention vomiting every-freaking-where.

I'm not going to detail the whole night because it was a normal 21st, nothing out of the ordinary happened, alcohol was consumed and expelled, things were broken, people fought and a good time had by all. What I'll do instead is describe my Yard Glass experience.

To sum it up in one word: Fuck.

I had 7 beers before the yardie, just to warm me up, and also some food. I regret this DEEPLY. The first few mouthfuls were ok, the next a bit worse until it felt like I was drinking vomit. It had the exact, EXACT, taste of puke. Needless to say, I threw up. After purging my body like a teenage girl, I hazarded a glance at how much I had drunk. It felt like litres. It turned out to be millilitres. I had drunk two beers out of the ten that made up the yardie, and already I felt fucked. This would not end well I thought to myself. The first wave of doubt washed over me. What if I cant do it? What if Jeff was right and I AM a little bitch? No. Fuck that. I am better than this glass, I will finish! I take my stance, ready to destroy it!

2 seconds later, I'm power chucking, spraying the lawn like a high powered vomit-hose. My friends run over to offer advice and give encouragement.

J: IF YOUR NOT PUKING YOUR DRINKING! COME ON FAGGOT!
D: FUCKING HURRY UP PUSSY!
A: YOU SUCK!

With these kind words, I set out again to finish. I get to the bulb at the end before having to puke. I'm almost done! I finish the bowl without throwing up. I can't believe its over. I go to stand and bask in the glory of my achievement, but first I have to expel every millilitre of beer in my body out my nose and mouth. I feel like my face is sweating. I can't hear and the ground is writhing like a snake. I hold the empty glass high as a salute to the gods of alcohol. Tumultuous applause from my peers is the last thing I remember before blissful darkness.

Thank the Lord you only turn 21 once.