Australia

As promised, the Australia Update.

After a hellish, smelly Bulgarian filled flight, I was treated to a $50 dollar cab ride into surfers by the most racist old woman I have ever met. But I don't want to talk about her because its less time talking about myself. My first experience of Sirfers proper was being enveloped by a hulking ginger mass. At first I was alarmed, byut when I realised it was weeping I knew it was my heterosexual life partner, Mr Jeff.I LOVE YOU MAN. Boom. Dropped the L-bomb.

After a moment of man love hugging, I was introduced to Sono and Kim, two of jeffs army men. I cannot remember a thing I said or waht was siad by either of them, no matter how hard I try, but from the moment I met them I could not stop laughing. Two of the fummiest guys I've ever met, and I can't remember anything at all. Not because I was epicly trashed, just because so much happened and got jumbled in my head. I do remember being forced to eat what seemed to be an inordinate amount of pizza, and being told by sono my hair looked like a fucking mop and I was a fag. Hmm...in retrospect I think I just blocked out what they were saying, I feel like it followed this pattern for quite some time.

More to come, im tired and no-one cares.

Resolution

God. How long has it been? Stars have flared into supernovas between posts it seems. So my New Years resolution (yeah its late so what? What are you my Dad?! FUCK YOU!) is to do regular updates twice a week. I swear it on all I hold sacred, free beer and money, that this will be so.

So I passed another semesters work. At this point it feels like I'm cheating, I have done literally no work. Well thats not true, in fact thats a straight up lie. I lied to you. Im sorry ghosts that read this. I actually did pretty well so high five to me for that. Have yet to initiate contact with the others at uni, I just cannot be bothered. I know I should but the thought of having to act normal long enough to establish some kind of tenuous relationship makes me feel lethargic in the extreme.

My one brief foray into the world of uni friends ended disastrously. As I have mentioned before, I came to uni in the hopes that I would enter a drinking culture that could match my insatiable appetite for beer and good times. Sadly, the opposite is true. They drink "in moderation" and take "responsibility". What the fuck? Are you serious? I'm older than a large majority of the students,  and yet I feel like a juvenile. Its ridiculous they act like old men, even the girls, no ESPECIALLY the girls. Never have I encountered a more pretentious prudish collective of peoples. I feel compelled, nay, driven by a holy geas to fuck that shit up. On this particular occasion, having imbibed vast amounts of beer for the most of the day I decided to approach a likely looking group and introduce myself. the conversation went something like this:

Me: So what do you guys take?

Uninterested girl: Music

Me: Oh thats cool, I'm doing music as well

Awkward nerd: ...

Other guy, probably gay, he was drinking wine: We were actually just leav-

Me: Yeah I'm majoring in English, you now everything boils down to dicks?

SILENCE. I take another gulp of beer, time to drop a bomb on these sukkahs.

Me: Its crazy, it turns out everything is penis's.  Nothing but dick this and dick that. Sausage and beans all day over there!

Disgusted girl: Uhm..I don't think that-

Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR! I'LL KILL YOU BITCH! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

I think it was at this point they left,to be honest I blacked out for a while. Which brings me to the inevitable conclusion, they're not the problem, I am. Im too weird, I cant function in the real world or outside the circle of friends I accumulated over the years who are just as odd as me.

To be honest, I don't give a fuck, I'd rather be weird and awesome than boring and old at 22.

Im off to Australia, stories to follow.