I stumbled across an interesting oxymoron the other day, a conversation on Facebok that wasn't toxoplasmosis dripping cat shit. The debate rages, skinny jeans, hot or shit? The two camps are in agreement on one factor, guys in skinny jeans suck penis's, and not even for a fee. They like that shit. Mmmmm, they say, penis, I'm mad for dicks. Thats you skinny jean wearing guys. The debte concerns the hotness of girls in said jeans. I've gotta say, this is a bit of moot point to be honest. The argument was made that they are hot only if fat people dont wear them. True, but simplistic. Fat people should wear giant shapless buirkahs, so we dont have to see them. I hate when they wear clothes made for skinny peolpe, It makes me hate, I am filled with hate.
Skinny people wearing clothes designed to show off this skinniness is acceptable. But I hate skinny girls. Theyre weird and skeletal. EAT SOMETHING! Theres a fine line. This is going nowhere, I just felt like rambling.
My photography is going well, I'm enjoying it anyway. I keep subkecting my girlfriend to scrutiny of the lensular persuasion, and she hates being photograhped. For those who know me, thats CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. i'm DETERMINED to make her not hate photos. I do need to get more though, photos that is, and people to be in them so if anyone is keen, let me know. Its not hard, those retardes on that model show do it so you can too.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
BOOM! Double Update Time
Heres more of the Australia story.
Day One: Arrival
I've briefly covered some of the events of my arrival, here are the rest. Continuing on from The Clocktower and its ladyless ladys night, we proceed to the Beer Garden. now in my mind, the Beer Garden is like heaven, only better as there is a beer garden, unless theres one of those in heaven then BOOM! A sneaky fitty note to St Peter and I'm in! Anyway, the Beer Garden lacked a Garden of Beer or any serious drinkers, being filled with Australians who as we all know, are the little girls of the drinking world. Cannot drink to save themselves, and I was determined, nay DUTY BOUND to show them this. First drink? 4 Tequila shots. Second Drink? vodka shot into beer, drain, GODLIKE ABILITIES AWE THE CROWD! It didint take much of this for me to be titfaced, but my work was complete, these little princesses knew they were unworthy to even tie my drinking shoes (thank you Tucker Max).
At the Beer Garden, which kind of reminded me of a town hall, they had a live band. Ive never been in a bar with a live band that didnt sound like someone was fucking my ears wih drills, so to find one that was good was a pleasant change. We were dancing, grooving and jiving to the sweet Gold Coast Beats when the band started to play Jesse's girl. That was it for Sono, he lost it, apparantly he really likes that song. I remember him saying if it was a woman, he would engage in intercourse with said woman in a most vigorous manner. I cant repeat what he actually said, I'm too pretty for jail. We start to sing along, even though we can only remember two parts of the song, the "JESSE'S GIRL! DA NA NAA NA NA NA NA!" and "WHERE DO I FIND A WOMAN LIKE THAT!" We were all leaning on each other, shouting these two phrases over and over again, ignoring the band competely, when I went to get more beer. We were the only ones on the dancefloor. Im not saying the club was empty, oh no. 12am on a Fridaynight, Beer Garden packs to about 300-400 people. We were the entertainment of the night. I walked imperiously to the bar, revelling in my glory.
Okay so theres some more, but thats only two bars, on te first night. Theres me breaking my foot, gambling, running to the casino and more. It will come. Be patient.
Day One: Arrival
I've briefly covered some of the events of my arrival, here are the rest. Continuing on from The Clocktower and its ladyless ladys night, we proceed to the Beer Garden. now in my mind, the Beer Garden is like heaven, only better as there is a beer garden, unless theres one of those in heaven then BOOM! A sneaky fitty note to St Peter and I'm in! Anyway, the Beer Garden lacked a Garden of Beer or any serious drinkers, being filled with Australians who as we all know, are the little girls of the drinking world. Cannot drink to save themselves, and I was determined, nay DUTY BOUND to show them this. First drink? 4 Tequila shots. Second Drink? vodka shot into beer, drain, GODLIKE ABILITIES AWE THE CROWD! It didint take much of this for me to be titfaced, but my work was complete, these little princesses knew they were unworthy to even tie my drinking shoes (thank you Tucker Max).
At the Beer Garden, which kind of reminded me of a town hall, they had a live band. Ive never been in a bar with a live band that didnt sound like someone was fucking my ears wih drills, so to find one that was good was a pleasant change. We were dancing, grooving and jiving to the sweet Gold Coast Beats when the band started to play Jesse's girl. That was it for Sono, he lost it, apparantly he really likes that song. I remember him saying if it was a woman, he would engage in intercourse with said woman in a most vigorous manner. I cant repeat what he actually said, I'm too pretty for jail. We start to sing along, even though we can only remember two parts of the song, the "JESSE'S GIRL! DA NA NAA NA NA NA NA!" and "WHERE DO I FIND A WOMAN LIKE THAT!" We were all leaning on each other, shouting these two phrases over and over again, ignoring the band competely, when I went to get more beer. We were the only ones on the dancefloor. Im not saying the club was empty, oh no. 12am on a Fridaynight, Beer Garden packs to about 300-400 people. We were the entertainment of the night. I walked imperiously to the bar, revelling in my glory.
Okay so theres some more, but thats only two bars, on te first night. Theres me breaking my foot, gambling, running to the casino and more. It will come. Be patient.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Australia
As promised, the Australia Update.
After a hellish, smelly Bulgarian filled flight, I was treated to a $50 dollar cab ride into surfers by the most racist old woman I have ever met. But I don't want to talk about her because its less time talking about myself. My first experience of Sirfers proper was being enveloped by a hulking ginger mass. At first I was alarmed, byut when I realised it was weeping I knew it was my heterosexual life partner, Mr Jeff.I LOVE YOU MAN. Boom. Dropped the L-bomb.
After a moment of man love hugging, I was introduced to Sono and Kim, two of jeffs army men. I cannot remember a thing I said or waht was siad by either of them, no matter how hard I try, but from the moment I met them I could not stop laughing. Two of the fummiest guys I've ever met, and I can't remember anything at all. Not because I was epicly trashed, just because so much happened and got jumbled in my head. I do remember being forced to eat what seemed to be an inordinate amount of pizza, and being told by sono my hair looked like a fucking mop and I was a fag. Hmm...in retrospect I think I just blocked out what they were saying, I feel like it followed this pattern for quite some time.
More to come, im tired and no-one cares.
After a hellish, smelly Bulgarian filled flight, I was treated to a $50 dollar cab ride into surfers by the most racist old woman I have ever met. But I don't want to talk about her because its less time talking about myself. My first experience of Sirfers proper was being enveloped by a hulking ginger mass. At first I was alarmed, byut when I realised it was weeping I knew it was my heterosexual life partner, Mr Jeff.I LOVE YOU MAN. Boom. Dropped the L-bomb.
After a moment of man love hugging, I was introduced to Sono and Kim, two of jeffs army men. I cannot remember a thing I said or waht was siad by either of them, no matter how hard I try, but from the moment I met them I could not stop laughing. Two of the fummiest guys I've ever met, and I can't remember anything at all. Not because I was epicly trashed, just because so much happened and got jumbled in my head. I do remember being forced to eat what seemed to be an inordinate amount of pizza, and being told by sono my hair looked like a fucking mop and I was a fag. Hmm...in retrospect I think I just blocked out what they were saying, I feel like it followed this pattern for quite some time.
More to come, im tired and no-one cares.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Resolution
God. How long has it been? Stars have flared into supernovas between posts it seems. So my New Years resolution (yeah its late so what? What are you my Dad?! FUCK YOU!) is to do regular updates twice a week. I swear it on all I hold sacred, free beer and money, that this will be so.
So I passed another semesters work. At this point it feels like I'm cheating, I have done literally no work. Well thats not true, in fact thats a straight up lie. I lied to you. Im sorry ghosts that read this. I actually did pretty well so high five to me for that. Have yet to initiate contact with the others at uni, I just cannot be bothered. I know I should but the thought of having to act normal long enough to establish some kind of tenuous relationship makes me feel lethargic in the extreme.
My one brief foray into the world of uni friends ended disastrously. As I have mentioned before, I came to uni in the hopes that I would enter a drinking culture that could match my insatiable appetite for beer and good times. Sadly, the opposite is true. They drink "in moderation" and take "responsibility". What the fuck? Are you serious? I'm older than a large majority of the students, and yet I feel like a juvenile. Its ridiculous they act like old men, even the girls, no ESPECIALLY the girls. Never have I encountered a more pretentious prudish collective of peoples. I feel compelled, nay, driven by a holy geas to fuck that shit up. On this particular occasion, having imbibed vast amounts of beer for the most of the day I decided to approach a likely looking group and introduce myself. the conversation went something like this:
Me: So what do you guys take?
Uninterested girl: Music
Me: Oh thats cool, I'm doing music as well
Awkward nerd: ...
Other guy, probably gay, he was drinking wine: We were actually just leav-
Me: Yeah I'm majoring in English, you now everything boils down to dicks?
SILENCE. I take another gulp of beer, time to drop a bomb on these sukkahs.
Me: Its crazy, it turns out everything is penis's. Nothing but dick this and dick that. Sausage and beans all day over there!
Disgusted girl: Uhm..I don't think that-
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR! I'LL KILL YOU BITCH! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
I think it was at this point they left,to be honest I blacked out for a while. Which brings me to the inevitable conclusion, they're not the problem, I am. Im too weird, I cant function in the real world or outside the circle of friends I accumulated over the years who are just as odd as me.
To be honest, I don't give a fuck, I'd rather be weird and awesome than boring and old at 22.
Im off to Australia, stories to follow.
So I passed another semesters work. At this point it feels like I'm cheating, I have done literally no work. Well thats not true, in fact thats a straight up lie. I lied to you. Im sorry ghosts that read this. I actually did pretty well so high five to me for that. Have yet to initiate contact with the others at uni, I just cannot be bothered. I know I should but the thought of having to act normal long enough to establish some kind of tenuous relationship makes me feel lethargic in the extreme.
My one brief foray into the world of uni friends ended disastrously. As I have mentioned before, I came to uni in the hopes that I would enter a drinking culture that could match my insatiable appetite for beer and good times. Sadly, the opposite is true. They drink "in moderation" and take "responsibility". What the fuck? Are you serious? I'm older than a large majority of the students, and yet I feel like a juvenile. Its ridiculous they act like old men, even the girls, no ESPECIALLY the girls. Never have I encountered a more pretentious prudish collective of peoples. I feel compelled, nay, driven by a holy geas to fuck that shit up. On this particular occasion, having imbibed vast amounts of beer for the most of the day I decided to approach a likely looking group and introduce myself. the conversation went something like this:
Me: So what do you guys take?
Uninterested girl: Music
Me: Oh thats cool, I'm doing music as well
Awkward nerd: ...
Other guy, probably gay, he was drinking wine: We were actually just leav-
Me: Yeah I'm majoring in English, you now everything boils down to dicks?
SILENCE. I take another gulp of beer, time to drop a bomb on these sukkahs.
Me: Its crazy, it turns out everything is penis's. Nothing but dick this and dick that. Sausage and beans all day over there!
Disgusted girl: Uhm..I don't think that-
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR! I'LL KILL YOU BITCH! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
I think it was at this point they left,to be honest I blacked out for a while. Which brings me to the inevitable conclusion, they're not the problem, I am. Im too weird, I cant function in the real world or outside the circle of friends I accumulated over the years who are just as odd as me.
To be honest, I don't give a fuck, I'd rather be weird and awesome than boring and old at 22.
Im off to Australia, stories to follow.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Too long
What with one thing and another I dont really update this as often as I should. But somethings been bugging me lately and so BAM! New post.
Hobos.
Motherfucking hobos.
I HATE them, with every fibre of my being. I live directly across from the city mission, and all I hear all night long are those filthy sons of bitches. All. Night. Long. I've told people this before, and they say I'm being a jerk, and theat I need to be more understanding. Well, to them I say, SHUT THE HELL UP! You dont know shit, d you live next to hobotopia? DO you have to listen to their INCESSANT SCREAMING ALL GODDAM NIGHT? Why the hell are they screaming anyway? Its nonsesnsical jabber! MY GHOST DAWG ATE MAH SHOOOOOES!
Im going to invest in a trident, then smite them like a vengeful Zeus.
Hobos.
Motherfucking hobos.
I HATE them, with every fibre of my being. I live directly across from the city mission, and all I hear all night long are those filthy sons of bitches. All. Night. Long. I've told people this before, and they say I'm being a jerk, and theat I need to be more understanding. Well, to them I say, SHUT THE HELL UP! You dont know shit, d you live next to hobotopia? DO you have to listen to their INCESSANT SCREAMING ALL GODDAM NIGHT? Why the hell are they screaming anyway? Its nonsesnsical jabber! MY GHOST DAWG ATE MAH SHOOOOOES!
Im going to invest in a trident, then smite them like a vengeful Zeus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)